3quarksdaily is having a contest for the best science writer in the internets and, being the type of person who looks for external gratification, I discovered someone nominated a post of mine in the comments section. I was delighted! Hooray for me, I thought.
TODAY, however, their comments tell a very different story, indeed. One of gross puritanical bullshit. My post was un-nominated. Most likely because I’m on the cutting edge of science writing, producing a product that is nothing short of gonzo science journalism.
As you know, I’m no stranger to not winning anything because I make real people hate the shit out of me and so I’d normally dismiss this outright, but the assholes that read 3quarks are the ones that drive BMWs, drink Starbucks out of their own cups and sit contently in their office enjoying the smell of their own farts the generous, loving individuals that read 3quarks are the ones that make the world go ’round. So, I can’t. I just can’t let it go. That, and I’m a petty god, like from the Old Testament.
If you have any decency, you’ll find the most profane posts I have produced and plaster them on their website and demand I get their prestigious award. Fuck, if I get the award, I’ll come out of the proverbial anonymous closet. Seriously.
There. Now you have real incentive. Here is where they are taking nominations.
UPDATE: Uhhh… oops.



Relax man. No one has been “un-nominated.” In fact I personally added two of your posts to our official list of nominees, which will be made public on June 1.
I don’t know how you got the idea that you have been un-nominated. No comment has been deleted from that post. You know you have to click on “more comments” at the bottom of the page to see newer comments, don’t you?
And, by the way, if our readers are anything like me and the other people who run the site, your description probably isn’t very accurate. But I don’t really know.
Thanks for posting the notice.
Yrs,
Abbas
Pfft. I own a BMW and fill my coffee up at Starbucks. I’m offended that you don’t consider me a stereotype. Consider this war. A Science Blog War.
Also, thanks. (Not for making me feel like an asshole, which has simply ruined my decaf triple shot Grande vanilla and hazelnut soy with light whip cream extra hot and white chocolate mocha, but for nominating me. That’s really sweet of you.)
On the other hand, how godawful must your farts be that they even offend you? As George Carlin said, “Say! That’s rather decent!”
With Tenderbutton co-opted and departed, who else but Kyle Finchsigmate will defend – demand! – the right to pop a techno-woodie every time the fume hood door rises?
God save us from the congenitally inconsequential
Good luck in the semifinal round where I and my friends are the judges!
Just kidding!
Best of luck.
Yrs,
Abbas
Chem Blog God,
If you don’t get this award it will be the biggest screw up since weapons of mass destruction.
Sincerely,
Donald Rumsfeld
Man, you really do sound like an asshole.
ahah. yeah. i do
I demand that you remain anonymous should you win this award.
Of course, speaking frankly, between you, me, milkshake and all the other readers…. there is no way you’re beating Derek Lowe. And he’s probably not going to be the one to win it either as someone from ‘Science Blogs’ will take it.
It’s like betting against Pixar at the Academy Awards.
http://www.3quarksdaily.com/3q.....e-are.html
FIVE VOTES! (voting diddle at the bottom of the page, then see results)
C’mon, screw yer butts into your chairs and give Kyle what he so richly deserves – an outing!
Pfft. There’s a “hot physicist” that talks about the physics of high heals. No chance.