Today I constructed a brand new shelf in my hood. I love hood shelves. You can put chemicals on them, solvents, glassware… all kinds of things that would ordinarily go somewhere else more… public. After I was done constructing my masterpiece I began to admire my handiwork and populate it with things (mostly chemicals) but, while I was standing there talking with my hood neighbor, the consensus was reached that the new shelf begged a novel hood design: it needed hood Feng Shui.
While I have no idea what Feng Shui actually is, I’m 99% certain it has something to do with colorful fish or those lucky bamboo things they sell at Target and since 99% is basically 100% I figured my hood needs a fish inside of it.
Of course, I’m a realist. I can’t put a whole aquarium in my hood – that would be chest slappingly short bus retarded. Since I don’t want to run an air pump through my hood I need a labyrinth fish. The king of such fish is the betta fish or the Siamese fighting fish. And because I’m 99% sure Feng Shi also means making sure your shit matches, it needs to be in a round bottom flask. (That useless 29/42 ground glass is suddenly less useless!)
So, I’m thinking about something like this:
I would put the fish in a flask on my shelf, where I would feed it and it could watch my reactions for me at night (and tell me who the fuck keeps turning my hood’s airflow alarm back on).
Alternatively, I could set up an ant farm and run the ant tubes all over my hood. That would prolly kick ass, too.