Dean Toste doesn’t run columns. He removes the wrong isomers with bare hands.

Dean Toste got a 115% yield once. He has improved the yield since then.

Dean Toste gave EJ Corey the idea for the Woodward-Hoffman rules. (obligatory)

Dean Toste doesn’t distill THF. He stares at the bottle and the water runs away.

Dean Toste made cycloethane. Stereoselectively.

Dean Toste does not sleep. He waits.

Dean Toste smelled HCN.
HCN s’been comatose
since that faithful day

Dean Toste doesn’t get metal toxicity. Thallium(I) knows when to stop.

Dean Toste can make carbon have five bonds.

Dean Toste once kicked a chromium atom so hard, it assumed a +8 oxidation state.

dean toste don’t (doesn’t) toast.

Dean Toste once made discodermolide out of a piece of chewing gum and a rusty razor blade.

Dean Toste once isolated a transition state… and has the X-Ray structure to prove it.

Dean Toste locked NMR samples once. The samples have been clean ever since.

Dean Toste’s car runs on a Carnot engine that he built from a lead pipe and his right kidney.

Thanks for the link, added you as well.

Dean Toste made carbon tetraazide on a kilogram scale. twice.

Dean Toste stopped NMR from shimming once. The peaks never returned.

Dean Toste doesn’t use NMR. if he wants to see what molecule he has, he just looks closely at the flask.

Dean Toste got a 115% yield, twice. From the same experiment. (He does this all the time – he has the biggest microspatula in the world.)

Dean Toste found the coupling constants once. And he changed them.

Dean Toste does not have to discover things. His experiments confess everything.

Dean Toste does not have research ideas. He has urges.

On Dean Toste’s first day of graduate school he ran ten reactions and nine worked. He burned down the lab in a fit of rage.

Dean Toste can get enantiomers to seperate out on silica gel with an Rf difference of 0.5

If Chemistry were an Olympic event, Dean Toste would win the gold AND the silver. The only reason he wouldn’t take the bronze too is that you can’t catalyze anything with bronze.

1. Dean Toste made tetra-tert butyl ethylene and then converted it into Taxol in two stereoselective steps

2. Dean Toste carries a bottle of NaOH in his pocket…just in case that acid spill’s around the corner.

3. Dean Toste’s real name is James La Clair

Dean Toste has completed the first assymetric synthesis of benzene using gold catalysis

No offense to Dean Toste. Kidding of course.

I believe Phil Baran has published more than 40 with KCN

1) Dean Toste has solved the line spectra equations for all the elements through cadmium. He’ll work on the others after lunch.

2) Dean Toste eats graphite, washes it down with methanol and craps taxol.

3) Dean Toste can see orbitals. Especially antibonding orbitals.

4) Dean Toste has threatened to kill one member of IUPAC a day until they officially change it to “IoDean”.

1) Dean Toste doesn’t need a catalyst…just his own spit.

2) Dean Toste is suing NBC over the phrase “Law and Order” since those are the names of his right and left stir plates.

3) Dean Toste scared the R into an S

4) Dean Toste doesn’t use GCMS, he beats the fragments out by hand and interrogates them.

5) Dean Toste’s Sure seals never leak…ever.

when dean toste recrystallizes, there is no “bad solvent.” there is only “dean toste”.

tert butyl groups stand axial to salute dean toste.

dean toste bathes daily in hot dmf

dEAN TOSte can stabilize a primary carbocation with the gentle touch of his pinky finger

dean toste only drinks anhydrous water.

most people think electrons resonate to stabilize charges–they are wrong. electrons resonate to escape the wrath of dean toste.

as a grad student, dean toste never needed undergrads. his chest hairs could synthesize starting materials on a kilogram scale.

dean toste has never encountered an exothermic reaction. he absorbs thermal energy in the cold dark void of his stare.

Dean Toste methylates dimethyl sulfate.

Dean Toste made carbon nanotubes out of a pencil, a paperclip, and a 12-Volt battery.

Dean Toste performed the first Diels Alder reaction on Benzene…in molten NaCl.

Dean Toste doesn’t require a bomb or a sealed tube for his DA reactions…the diene and dieneophile need only feel the pressure of his deadly stare.

Dean Toste doesn’t have a mother or father, he was assembled at Berkeley out of a piece of Woodwards shoe and dead grad students.

Dean Toste figured out the position and the speed of his electrons.

Dean Toste runs columns by placing the bottom tip into his sample and staring at it until it starts eluting up. When it gets to the top, it crashes out in fear..

Dean Toste doesn’t need to dry any of his glassware; water already has a 100 yard restraining order against him. This never stops Dean of course.

Dean Toste activates molecular sieves by snapping his fingers.

Dean Toste doesn’t need a fumehood, fumes are too afriad to leave their container when he is near.

Scifinder scholar is merely an access port into the outer 10% Dean Toste’s brain.

Dean Toste actually uses lead as his pre-catalyst, it just transmutates into gold in situ.

Dean Toste IS the snake biting his own tail.

Dean Toste’s reactions don’t need a blast shield for his protection; his reactions need a ‘Toste shield’ for their protection.

When Dean Toste was born, the scientific community foresaw the future and agreed to change the field ‘organic chemistry’ to ‘toste chemistry’. Toste learned to walk within 4 hours and then walked up to each person that made this decision and drew out one of his future projects, which caused their heads to explode in amazement. This was their punishment for not simply changing ‘chemistry’ to ‘Tostetry’. For safety reasons it was changed back to organic chemistry…. he picked up his tenure on the way home.

Dean Toste is currently doing publishing your chemistry right now.

Dean Toste once was “corrected” by Baldwin. Baldwin doesn’t no what happened immediatly after that, but he now walks with a limp and concedes that it was in fact Toste’s Rules all along.

In order to give himself some free time, Dean Toste has completed the first asymmetric Total Synthesis of both (+) and (-) Dean Toste. His findings: he is actually (+) Dean Toste (determined by HPLC).

Dean Toste performs elemental analysis by eating his sample, and counting the individual atoms in his farts.

Dean Toste referees his own papers, and still manages to stay anonymous.

Dean Toste’s goatee has more publications than you.

Dean Toste is in perfect health. He attributes this to the solid LiAlH4 supplements he takes as an antioxidant (inspired by Dave M)

Most people think Dean Toste graduate from U of T with a Master’s in Chemistry. In fact, it was the degree of Master of the Universe. Dean then rode a gigantic tiger to Stanford to do battle with Trost.

Dean Toste has so many papers already written, that if he were to submit them all we would be out of rainforest

Dean Toste doesn’t measure specific heat in a DSC he measures it with his tounge!

For Dean Toste’s PhD thesis, he just stapled his JACS papers together. It was the longest thesis ever submitted at stanford..

Not only does Dean Toste walk on water, he walks on ether too.

Dean Toste doesn’t even write his papers, they write themselves while he is sleeping. They get accepted over breakfast.

Dean Toste shows synthesis is too easy and Synthetic Organic Chemistry is no longer a genuine research field.

Dean Toste shows the bigshots Woodward, Corey, Trost, KCN are great only because their peers were mediocre and/or because of nexus with peers.

Dean Toste shows if one understand already known chemistry any molecule can be synthesized, the duration for it only depend on the intrinsic time required for various reactions/manipulations.

Dean Toste shows accademic research funding must be stopped on targeted organic synthesis.

Dean Toste shows the time has arrived …

Dean Toste advise the less productive chemists to first learn chemistry before mixing chemicals.