I won’t lie. It’s not easy to admit when I’ve done something wrong. The last post succeeded in doing that. I ended up trying to justify myself so many different ways I started to contradict myself. Ala Ozzy’s blog :

Kyle’s blog is well-known in chemistry circles, so it’s worth posting over there as well.

You notice that Kyle tried to have it both ways… first he posts something really offensive, with personal jabs at both the supposed woman offender as well as women in general. Then he backtracks later to say that actually he’s just being the devil’s advocate and that he’s apparently supportive of minority scholarships. Also, he insults the woman’s character, then says later in the comments that it’s irrelevant to the discussion. His original post also put a heavy implication that he was criticizing a larger issue and he expanded to general commentary about “how do we keep women in science without paying them cash to be there” etc. Later in the comments he reverses to say that the post was only ever about a particular decision, which he also later admits was not even technically unfair since the female candidate was equal on paper and better suited the qualifications for the scholarship.

All in all, it sounds like a rant gone wrong. A discussion can’t play that many conflicting points simultaneously. He claims later on that he just wants to get people talking, as though the tone and the diatribe was intentional simply to provoke as a means of discussion, but I’m not quite buying it. I think at least part or all was meant as intended.

The jokes were off color, but not out of character – they were supposed to be sarcasm. I hesitated before pushing the “publish” button, and should have thought it out. But I don’t typically think when I write this blog, I just do. That’s made it popular and I figured there wasn’t any reason to undo it.

I forget, in my own limited way, that this blog is read by a lot of people – not just the 12 or so people that regularly reply but 1000′s. Which puts me in an awful position that I have never been in before. You can say stupid offensive shit in the comments and no one cares, if I say something it’s suddenly gossip. It sucks. In short, I fucked up. I fucked up because I shouldn’t have said any of that. It wasn’t even a particularly interesting story. I won’t delete the post – that’d be intellectually dishonest. It makes me realize that doing this can be more stressful than it’s worth…

I’ve learned a distinct, painful lesson. If I’ve offended, please forgive.