As you know, I am a Blogger Emeritus and that entitles me to certain rights and obligations. One of those is to engage in immediate pointless tangents regarding topics of marginal importance and ponder on research questions which have no useful answer, if there be an answer at all.

To wit: I have wondered if one can synthesize a Nacho based cheesecake from common starting materials found in the kitchen and if people will eat said Nacho Cheesecake if left out like an ordinary cheesecake. Since Cheesecake seems to be eaten no matter what the primary constituents are, it stands to reason that if I were to make a cheese cake out of nacho cheese and taco beef, it should still be eaten the fuck out of. First, however, I must synthesize the Nacho cheesecake using standard cheesecake protocols.

Firstly, I must make a crust. Graham cracker didn’t seem quite right for this, so I decided to use tortilla chips as my base (240 g) mixed with melted salted butter (30 mL) and honey (10 mL). I pulverized it to make it into something that’s all tortilla chip crust goodness :

Next, we need to prepare the principle component of our Nacho Cheesecake. That being the main cheese load. For the uninitiated, cheesecake is made out of cheese *shock* and in the US it’s made with a fuck-ton of sugar and cream cheese. The experiment calls for Nacho cheesecake and since I’m American and the poor suckers that are going to be duped into eating this shit are too, I figured I would just do a slight substitution, as you can see in the figure below:

As you can see, I purchased the “cream cheese” of cheeses – Velveeta Mexican flavored cheese loaf as well as a generic knock off block of “Cheesy Does It” because I can’t resist a good pun when it comes to foods. Turns out, all I needed was two of the small blocks of cheese, and prepped like so:

  1. In a stainless steal round bottom cooking flask, Velveeta Mexican cheese (1 Kg) and a packet of “Nacho Cheese” I got from the food court at school was added with white cane sugar (300 g) and allowed to mix with manual agitation until the consistency was even.
  2. After mixing, low fat milk (177.5 mL)eggs (4, Jumbo) were gently added with slow and deliberate manual agitation to avoid introduction of excess air.
  3. Now, for flavor, I included “taco flavored beef” in the mixture, which is simply beef prepared with commercially available “taco seasoning”. That’s the shit sticking out of the bowl you see in panel 4.
  4. Flour (bleached, powdered Triticum spp.) was added to thicken (approx. 4 aliquots of 30 grams) and the bulk material was added on top of the tortilla crust:

The layered compound was placed into a preheated oven set at 350 °F and allowed to cook for 1 hour. The odor changed markedly from strongly “nachocheese crap” to “sweet cheesecake flavor”. After 1 hour had elapsed, the oven was turned off and the cheesecake was allow to sit to cool slowly to prevent cracking for 3 hours. I then transfered the cake into the fridge, where it sat overnight to chill.

I brought the cake into lab and set it up for group room with a simple sign that said “Free Cheesecake” and let people at it. Amazingly, it’s getting rave reviews. Everything from “subtle hints of cornbread” to “delicious, like one of those cheeseballs you eat with crackers.” As you can see, you can make Cheesecake out of anything and people will still eat the fuck out of it because it’s delicious. So, my theory is validated. Hooray for science!

Tomorrow, I tell them what’s in it and hope they don’t kill me. Another interesting experiment.