I have always been a huge fan of the Demotivators. My dad loves their evil counterpart, the actual “motivator” poster. I never quite understood how people could be motivated by a picture, no matter how well framed, with a few words reminding them not to fuck up all the time. It’s like that Jesus poem “footprints” that someone hung up in my room when I was a kid. I recall seeing it on the wall and wondering how anyone found comfort in something so deliberately campy. Happiness is great and everything but it doesn’t come from wall plaques and posters. Happiness is generally caused by drugs or success, the latter being far harder to obtain.

I finished writing the first draft of my chapter. That was a marathon event. If it’s any sort of prelude to a thesis, that fucker’s gunna be a bitch. It’s like I was writing the same goddamn thing page after page after page. Once I got the outline hammered out, it was a bunch of moving words around until I was just nauseated by it. For instance, how many times did I come back after taking a break and see that I had eight sentences in a row that started out with “Recently, Blah and coworkers have…?” Probably one quadrillion, if not slightly more.

And the figures! OH MY GOD. Assembling them for an 8 page manuscript is hard but for a 30 page chapter! That is cockslappingly gay. Anyway. Forgive my kvetching. You can print that thing I made up there off and send it to me or to someone whose sandy vagina is causing them to be an irritating douche bag. (It may be good or bad for lab morale. I don’t know yet. Obviously, men have a 10% higher chance of having sand in their vagina than women. Shocking ’cause dudes don’t have vages, in general.)